Thursday, December 10, 2009

I begin to understand that you never even glimpsed what was inside of me
even when I was so open -- as wide open as I am capable of stretching.
And it makes me sad to realize that we lose our flexibility with age
and that I can count on more of a struggle each time I attempt to
stretch wide again
in my future.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The streets were wet -- some were rivers.

He welcomed me into his home and we stood far apart as he said
"She's so good and she learned so much from you. Talk to her.
Let her in."
I collapsed my bags in his corner.

His hair was different, I noted, and his surprise at me left only that knowing silence
a low tilted chin and hints of shame.

For the trickery -- there was no wall (in fact there is no wall)
and so I rose and fumbled, too
with him
until the strange touch of lips to my forehead brought me again to consciousness and resignation.
Outside the rain seemed to hurt even the pavement with each shocking, heavy strike.
I felt the fear build it's predictable pocket of tears in my lungs and
strain my neck

The rest then blurs
everything but my face on his beautiful knees. (gracefully letting the woman accept)
I lay long and low with my hands gently tucked behind his legs as he waited, I think
A game I never liked, at all. I've always had a weak stomach.

The colors of the rain were inside, too, throughout-- and I saw the other rooms eventually.
They loomed tall and empty with strange patch rugs of different colors -- one had yellow walls
and neither had windows.

I went out
to the stricken, drowning street
where I was quickly swallowed by it's ghostly dancing performers,
charmers, butchers, smokers..
costumed salesmen, neon signs, splashing women
hot baking, hot roasting
and the smell of only rain as if
it were the one remaining element
as if it had rained so long -- enough to soak entirely through
taking.. becoming the scent of everything else in the square
and the next square
and the next square
and my home..

Turning one corner took me around many and I was lost.
His door was gone so
I wandered late
waist deep sometimes
and near the end of the dusk hour I waded into the place that was supposed to be mine -- I found it as I had never seen it.
Thin splitting posts held the banister
sloped down to my face
the mess of reeds
scrubbing with current
the soggy, blood painted stairs.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The creature rolls it's tongue
longing for it's foggy breath
and for the road where it used to lay in the late winter nights.

strangers -- these city streets
(doesn't it take one to know one..?)
when are they this quiet, anyway?
And no smell of cattle! No stars at all..

she wakes.

she rolls decidedly away.

Monday, November 09, 2009

I'm a hunchback.

I take this shell
I snap it light in my hand
roll its dust in my fingers
slice deep

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I want to do this with as much of my own thought
and my own senses
my senses
as I possibly can.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

My face is in the pillow's cushion inhaling
your sleeping breath

it is a wild thing this.
I don't know where I began or if I'll stop. These things we do
granting to some such intimacy
-- giving such gifts...
I'll hold your hair

and you can hold mine, too. If you like.

Friday, September 04, 2009

We can run side by side together if you'd like.
I don't mind if you get ahead...
I will watch your hair flickering in the distance and keep running
toward you.

Some folks, you see, they don't know the pleasure it is to watch
as you jolt and push and pant.

In the end what if I were to come upon you
sprawled in the grass with your ears red from the wind?
I could lay my body next to yours!
Tight against the earth
looking at the sky as we let our breathing slow.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I think a couple of hours passed. The wind outside was cold and the sun dimmed

slowly I sunk deeper into the cushion of your couch and you leaned on me. Or I leaned on you? I only know where we landed, I guess,
on our feet and walking out the doors. One after another. Leaving.
I wrapped my scarf tight and concentrated.

the thought of the kiss (that struggle - the thought!)
I said "I see, well, let's get some food then" or something...

But more importantly than all of that
why the fuck is any of it
potent enough to even create a memory inside of me?
it was just
some day.
You are just some fellow.

Friday, August 21, 2009

She lay on the bench stretched naked with thin and curling tattoos spanning her whole body that I'd never seen before. They wrapped her thighs like weeds, wound up her stomach mounting the ribs I knew so well. They lead my eyes: I followed to her wrists and fingernails.
Her hair was different but I didn't comment. Instead I slapped her thigh and again with the back of my hand. Then her belly. "Where have you been?!"
Instead of answering my scream she calmly pulled me to lay on the bench with her where we didn't quite fit and my shoulder hit the table. But the company was so nice... and missed, and welcome.
In the silver light the wood of the picnic table looked wet but wasn't. She was dry and cool. I don't know who's birthday it was.. their candles were already blown out, sucked on and sitting on the edges of the bystanders paper plates. I couldn't hear their talking and since I couldn't feel their eyes either I didn't pay them any thought and lowered my cheek to her sternum for a quick moment before leaving.

Around the corner near the woods I met the man again. (This is all about self control, right?) Standing with my head all the way back: the stars were brighter, brighter and brighter as he finger fucked me. Down to the leaves -- his knees and my back. So it went. On my way. (Maybe not about self control at all... oh, fuck! everything is about self control.)

To family. To the end of this. I found my brother's ship and we went to space.

Say goodbye...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

fucking bisexuals.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

the alternative.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I wish I didn't know my face.

hideous voice
tells me in misleading groans


I give my struggle
and the fog bonds

Sunday, June 07, 2009

I want to throw it up.
Out of me.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

After a while you won't want to come back anyway
but I don't think I could believe you if ever you did.

These lines are in my face.
I'm older now

I love you.
it moves me in the deep places.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Drunk on sake with the tv muttering in the background I smell paint still wet
I have some sticky around my ankles.
These jeans don't belong to me.

Sleeping upside down every night. Big spoon (I love your body) Dear friend show me what you are
I will happily keep you warm at night.

Good or bad, who cares, they are all secrets anyway.

Friday, February 20, 2009

from the throbbing throat
comes the call

we are simply human -- no other elevation
no lace or frill.
The edges of my mouth only become my cheeks
which only cover bone.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

He heaved that dog all the way up the hill behind our house
Wet fur and maggots coming right out his ass
Papa sweating.
All the smells thickening in the heat.
I've seen him cry a hundred times but
these tears came right out of his chest
he didn't breathe.

the truck made it town, anyway